Pirate Wolf, Episode 01

I'm coming to grips with the idea that my writing -- bizarre, sporadic -- is a pretty minimal factor in what brings you guys to this blog (and, ultimately, to check out my puppets).  My son wanted to make a "pirate movie" today, and I kinda realized that this sort of thing just might make a little more sense for a puppetmaker to post.  So, without further ado, here's our puppet video!

M(aster of P)uppets: Synchronicity between Metallica and The Muppet Movie

Certainly the most Muppet-y Metallica album is 1986's Master of Puppets -- uh doy, it says "puppets" in the title -- and I think it's no coincidence that it's regarded as their masterpiece.  It is a bit odd, though, that there's no overt Muppet references in the songs themselves.  Maybe we're expected to dig a little deeper.  

I've experimented with this idea, to some surprising results.  I did one of those "synchronicity" things, where you start playing an album at the same time as you start playing a movie, to see if anything, lyrically or thematically, "matches up" between the two pieces.  You know, kind of like how The Beach Boys' Pet Sounds synchs up perfectly with Freddy Got Fingered.  In this case, I matched Metallica's Master of Puppets with the Muppets' first (and perhaps greatest?) movie, 1979's The Muppet Movie.

If you'd like to re-create this experiment for yourself, just queue up one of the many "master of puppets full album" uploads on Youtube while you watch The Muppet Movie.  Are you ready?  Here's what I found!

So, right away, James Hetfield's classical guitar intro to "Battery" beautifully accompanies the movie, as it pans down regally over the statue at World Wide Studios' main gate.  Then, at 00:40, the monstrous electric guitars rudely interrupt the music -- just as Statler and Waldorf drive up to the gate.

Soon, the galloping rhythm of "Battery" begins, as the Muppets rip out chairs and detonate TNT in the screening room.  When the rapid-fire lyrics begin ("Lashing out the action, returning the reaction, weak are ripped and torn away") we see Animal -- perhaps the most likely Muppet to be a Metallica fan -- bouncing frantically in his seat.

"Lunacy has found me" matches with the appearance of Lew Zealand.

When Kirk Hammett's ripping guitar solo starts at 3:17, the actual "movie within a movie" begins, and we're coasting through a panorama of clouds.

Throughout the remainder of "Battery," the camera moves through the clouds and into the swamp.  At 5:23, the title song "Master of Puppets" starts its intro, just as we get our first glimpse of Kermit with his banjo.

The verses in "Master of Puppets" don't line up extremely well with "The Rainbow Connection," but the pace of phrasing is surprisingly similar, so certain lines match amusingly with Kermit's mouth: "taste me you will see," "come crawling faster," and "obey your master."

One of the more interesting ones is that Kermit shoots his head up suddenly when Hetfield sings "just call my name 'cause I'll hear you SCREAM" (in "The Rainbow Connection," this is when Kermit sings "all of us UN-der its spell").

It seems like Dom DeLuise lip-synchs the line "chop your breakfast on a mirror," and then Kermit tries to catch a fly with his tongue when the phrase "taste me you will see" is repeated.

The BEST part of this section is that Kermit does his "read my lips: al-ee-gay-tor" bit, beat-for-beat, with Hetfield grunting "MAS-TER! MAS-TER!"

Further along, the music becomes more ominous while Kermit is biking past Doc Hopper's signs; at 10:53, Kermit is ostensibly being smushed by pavers when Hetfield shouts "Beats me!" (or whatever he's saying) just before Hammett's zany whammy-bar solo.

To close out the album's title track with a bang: at 13:28 or so, an Andre the Giant-esque "HA HA HA," which is followed by peals of lunatic laughter, matches with the appearance of Fozzie doing his comedy routine at El Sleezo Cafe.

As we move into the third song, "The Thing That Should Not Be," Doc Hopper peeks into the bar with his tiny binoculars at the line "dark deception kills the light," and the angry mob starts tossing puppets at the line "fearless wretch / insanity."  

Doc Hopper's first bizarre proposition to Kermit takes place while Hetfield sings phrases like "in madness you dwell," and "drain you of your sanity / face the thing that should not be."

At 22:13, we've moved into Metallica's classic "Welcome Home (Sanitarium)," and we see Big Bird's cameo with the lyrics "they keep me locked up in this cage."  I assume this is a reference to the plot of Sesame Street's big-screen feature Follow That Bird.

The phrase "just leave me alone" is repeated, both when Big Bird strolls away by himself, and again later when Doc Hopper stops Kermit and Fozzie to harrass them.

At 24:40, Max attempts to stand up for himself against Doc Hopper -- to the phrase "mutiny in the air."

The fifth track, "Disposable Heroes," has started by 27:20, a point at which we hear a backwards cymbal crash while we see Animal bite his cymbal to "eat drum."  When Lars Ulrich pounds out an extra-loud snare beat soon afterwards, Animal has realized he should "beat drum" -- which he does, on the snare with his head.

The Electric Mayhem's song "Can Ya Picture That" ends up corresponding to the lyric section of "Disposable Heroes," and it's not without its moments of near-perfect lip-synch phrases: "you will do what I say when I say," "you coward / you servant," "now an empty shell,"  and "the slaughter never ends."  Clearly the most amusing thing is the irony in such a cynical, military-themed set of lyrics being "sung" by a bunch of freaked-out hippie puppets.

After Fozzie and Kermit drive away from the church, they're being followed by Doc Hopper and Max.  At 33:00, they look behind them and spot their pursuers.  This synchs exactly with the lyrics, "looking back I realize, nothing have I done / left to die with my only friend."

Soon, Fozzie and Kermit are about to collide with Gonzo's plumbing vehicle, and Fozzie covers his eyes at nearly the same time as Hetfield shouts the line "you blind man!"

Milton Berle's Mad Man Mooney makes his appearance to the opening riffs of the sixth track, "Leper Messiah."  He begins his used car salesman pitch to the Muppets with the lyrics "send me money, send me green... make a contribution."

At 39:49, Miss Piggy is crowned and seated on her throne to the lyric phrase "time for lust."

Piggy and Kermit have their romantic fantasy montage to Cliff Burton's eerie bass effects at the beginning of the instrumental track "Orion."  It casts a strangely foreboding mood on the otherwise sappy scene.

Gonzo is lifted into the air by his balloons at 45:50, accompanied by a slower, pensive section of the song, with lots of airy guitar string bends.  Again, it makes for a different, but not inappropriate, mood -- it replaces the panic with a haunting dreaminess.

Kermit and Piggy have their first official date to the manic strains of Master of Puppets' final track, "Damage, Inc."  At 52:45, Piggy coldly abandons Kermit for a modeling gig to the phrase "we chew and spit you out."

Kermit meets Rowlf at the piano during the guitar solo.  There's a REALLY cool part, at 53:17, where Rowlf's hands seem to mime a frenzied run of notes.

"Damage, Inc." completes another round of verse and chorus during Kermit and Rowlf's duet, and abruptly ends.  The album is done -- as far as Metallica is concerned, The Muppet Movie ends here, with "men" (as it were) working through despair and depression, but ultimately taking power and energy from the love of their music.  

So, in conclusion, I'm 100% convinced that Metallica was directly inspired by The Muppet Movie, and made all creative decisions concerning the writing and production of Master of Puppets based on a frame-by-frame study of it.  Try this synchronicity experiment for yourself and I think you'll agree.

FREE Postcard / Picture From Your Favorite Disney Character

UPDATE: 

On February 28, 2014, I (Peter) received a very standard "Mickey and Pals" postcard -- see front and back images at the end of this blog post.  Ezra, as of today (May 21, 2014), hasn't received anything. This means that the Florida address seems to be the reliable one, but there isn't a variety of postcards to be had; probably only a Princess one and a Mickey one.  If anyone has recently had any luck with the California address, or has somehow received a different postcard from Florida, let me know!

It's come to my attention recently that, by sending a letter addressed to your favorite Disney character, you can receive either a postcard or a photo from that character in the mail!

The address I first discovered was an address at Disney World (Florida), and with a little Internet digging I discovered that you'll probably get a postcard back from this address.  Unfortunately, the only examples I could find online were letters written to any one of the Disney princesses, and all of those letters were responded to with the same Disney Princess postcard.  I have no idea what you'd get if you write to any of the jillions of Disney characters that don't happen to be princesses.

I also discovered an address at Disneyland (California), and apparently you can receive an 8 x 10 black-and-white photo of that character (as a Disneyland costumed character).  I saw that someone wrote to Buzz Lightyear and got a photo of Buzz and Woody.  But I also heard a rumor that they no longer send these photos.  So, again, I don't know what to expect by writing to this address either.

Since there's two Disney fanboys in this house, I decided that we should each write a letter to our favorite Disney character, and I'll send one to each of the addresses.  That way, I figure I'll scientifically deduce what could be expected from either address, and I'll be sure to update you when the results of the experiment come in!

Name of Character
Walt Disney World Communications
PO Box 10040
Lake Buena Vista, FL 32830-0040

Walt Disney Company
Attn: Fan Mail Department
500 South Buena Vista Street
Burbank, CA 91521

Ezra's letter to Peter Pan, dictated to me:

 My letter to Captain Hook:

Our separate envelopes.  Ezra's is going to California,

and mine is going to Florida.  These will be sent out December 2, 2013.

UPDATE: After writing to Captain Hook using the Florida address, I received

this postcard (front and back shown here).  The letter to Peter Pan in California

has remained unanswered.

Reader Mail

Things have been a little slow for puppet news, so I thought I'd go through some Reader Mail.


Dear Peter's Puppets,
I wonder what John Krasinski has been up to since The Office wrapped earlier this year.
-- Flo, St. Petersburg, FL

Since lending his voice to this summer's family hit Monsters University, the hip heartthrob, 33, has been seen on a recent episode of Arrested Development.  John says, "it was totes rad to play that particular character!"

John Krasinski

Dear Peter's Puppets,

Is there any royal baby news from Philip IV and Mariana of Austria?

-- Jontesh, Studio City, CA

Good news, Jontesh!  The Spanish monarchs welcomed baby boy Charles II in 1661.  The couple is very happy... and very exhausted!

Charles II of Spain

Dear Peter's Puppets,

Is this a good week to plant begonias?  My wife doesn't think so.

-- Wenceslas, Denver, CO

Your wife is right, Wenceslas.  Begonias should never be planted until after the danger of frost has passed in the spring.  In the meantime, you can place the sprout containers, with a towel under them, on a radiator.

Red Wax Begonias

Well, that's it for now!  Keep those letters coming, and make sure to visit the Peter's Puppets Etsy Shop for the best deals on Peter's Puppets!

The Peter's Puppets Hand-Made Puppet (Virtual) Museum

My stash of hand-made (not by me) puppets is getting pretty ridiculous.  This weekend's garage sale haul has already added to it quite a bit.  If I was a well-organized "collector" I'd have these all in glass cases, displayed nicely, etc.  But that's probably not going to happen.  So let's consider this the virtual Hand-Made Puppet Museum, curated by me.  Like my Peanuts Statue post, I'll add to this one as new acquisitions are made.

Vegetable Gnome

 (discussed in an earlier post)

eBay purchase from years ago

Nightmare Army Jacket Man

(discussed in an earlier post)

eBay purchase from years ago

Kermit

(discussed in an earlier post)

Etsy purchase 2013

Oscar the Grouch

(discussed in an earlier post)

Etsy purchase 2013

Count von Count

(discussed in an earlier post)

Etsy purchase 2013

Freddie the Frog

knitted

garage sale purchase 2013

Alligator

knitted

garage sale purchase 2013

Cookie Monster

At first glance, this seems like a mass-manufactured, store-bought puppet.  And, yes, I believe it once was.  But while I was repairing a rip along the side-seam, I noticed that the fabric was going the wrong way (against the "straight of goods"), it was sewn with some kind of fishing line or something, the mouth seemed odd, and there were little felt "claws."  I think that the original puppet fell apart, and someone recycled the eyes and mouth to re-create a Cookie Monster puppet.

garage sale purchase 2013

Prince

made by fellow Etsy seller/Puppetsian Agnes Abraham at AgneShop

 Etsy purchase 2012

Kindly Dragon?

papier mache head

eBay purchase from years ago

Monkey

papier mache head

eBay purchase from years ago

Gnome

carved wooden head

purchased in Paris 2001

Elephant

garage sale purchase 2013